So as usual I have fallen off the grid. The blog has been dead for quite some time. I’ve lost many things – motivation and confidence among the biggest and instead I’ve fueled a belief that this blog isn’t worth anything if it is not perfect. #LAME I know. People keep asking me if I’m still blogging or how the blog is going and I get embarrassed and roll my eyes and say that I just don’t have time or anything to write about, blah blah.
The truth of the matter is that I am 1. scared (yes I said it) and 2. indecisive. Oh wait and there’s 3. I’m a perfectionist. These three things rolled into one mean that I can’t conquer this fear unless something is perfect (which in my head it never is) and I feel it’s worth something (which I never do).
I have this terrible habit of putting my life down especially when comparing it to other peoples’ (damn you Instagram). So what I always end up doing when I have some free time is reading/watching other peoples blogs/vlogs and never committing to something of my own. Which defeats the purpose of creativity…I think… It also means I’m constantly restless which is never a good thing as a freelancer. You need to keep yourself busy. When you don’t have actual paying-the-bills work, being left with your thoughts for too long is detrimental to your sanity (another blog post on this later).
Oh and side note to the reasons why I haven’t been blogging? I also think a blog is going to start making millions of £$€ within 2 seconds of me becoming a ‘blogger’ which I know rationally is never going to happen. And yet I get so despondent when I hit refresh and my page views haven’t gone up that I think what’s the point? #2xLAME
The point is that I have the time. The point is that I am going to try. The point dear readers is that life is about living rather than sitting around wishing you had a direction or knew what the right thing was to do, or say or write. There isn’t a ‘right thing to do’. The point is that we just have to try. Every day we get up and try. So that’s what I’m doing… trying…Even when I struggle to hit the post button. It must be done!
And I will probably fall off the band wagon at some point….I will get bored or despondent, but today…today I have done it. And the funny thing is that the motivation has come from spending almost all day watching vlogs by Casey Neistat. Specifically this vlog which I found mega inspiring. Now I might not be good at this (the tech skills are shocking) but I live in one of the most exciting cities in the world and I feel that I should use that to my advantage and maybe create a little diary of my time here. Not sure how or in what format or what it will come to but I think I must if nothing else, just try. More on this to come. Have a fabulous day and thanks for reading (specific shout out to Bron and Max my two biggest blogging fans, if anyone reads this I know they will).